I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
