The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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