Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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