Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
