I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
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Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
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smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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