States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
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