I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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