9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
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We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
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i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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