Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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