you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
