Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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