there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
