I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
