I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
