the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
