May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
