how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
