Duck Duck Cougar?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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