If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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