I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
