Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
