i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
one might say we're banned from that church
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
