I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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