I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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