so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
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theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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