so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
