Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
