I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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