So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
