Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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