Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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