Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
