Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
either way he was missing a nipple.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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