I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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