I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
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