Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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