Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
