do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
