I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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