it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
