Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
