Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
