Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
