His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
