grandma shit on top of the toilet
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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