i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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