I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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