whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
