when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
