My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
