The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
