Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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