We named our party play list daddy issues
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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