Ambien. No doubt about it.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
