I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
don't judge my taste in strippers
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
