Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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