I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
