Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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