his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
