I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
