He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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