when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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