Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
