1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
