Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
