she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
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The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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